


i will find you again

by inlovewithimpossibility



Series: cerys' s8 episode codas [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oliver Queen Deserves Better, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 23:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20938643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithimpossibility/pseuds/inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: a short-introspective on oliver in s8 inspired by the scene in the trailer as he takes a moment to remember the reason he's fighting. his wife, his children... they give him the strength he needs to be the hero the universe requires





	i will find you again

There are days when Oliver thinks he can see her.

It starts off simple. He catches a glimpse of blonde hair in a crowd or hears a woman’s voice talking rapidly. The click of a specific height of heels on the feet of a woman with a similar frame set him off once too.

He grows to be cautious of these instances. Reacting quickly draws attention and that’s the last thing he needs right now.

Still, he can’t help looking for her in a crowd, expecting her to appear at his side when he needs to hear her sage words of wisdom.

He doesn’t believe he’s born to be a hero and he certainly doesn’t feel like the one who can save the entire universe.

But Felicity…

She’s the only one who’s always believed in him, never wavering in her belief of his heroism and he needs that right now.

Her voice… it grounds him. He can hear her, when he needs to.

Sometimes it’s simple. A gentle _you can do this _or _I believe in you. _

Other times he remembers specifics. Conversations from what feels like lifetimes ago. In a clock tower when it felt like he could never bring an end to his friend turned enemy…

_You are not alone… and I believe in you… _

Outside Palmer Technologies when it felt like he’d lost her forever…

_You’re the man that I… you’re the man that I believe in._

There are more recent incidences too that spring to his mind. In a police precinct when his reality felt like it was crumbling around him, her voice as much as a lifeline then as it is to him now…

_I’m not going anywhere. I’m glue, baby. _

It’s hardest to think of that final moment with her. The memory of her tears, her pain so evident on her face still stabs him through the heart. But her words… they’ve stuck with him and he can’t help but cling to them. They give him the hope he needs.

_You will never leave me. _

Somewhere along the line, she’s truly become his conscience, the voice in the back of his head. She’s his guiding light, the one who shows him the way, and he clings to the hope that she represents for him.

She’s his, forever, just as he will always be hers.

As he sits here, staring at the photo of them and his beautiful baby girl, he tries to commit the sight of her to memory. The idea that he might forget those little details that just add to how much he adores her scares him so much.

The precise number of freckles that scatter her nose and cheeks, the exact way that her forehead crinkles when she’s thinking, the particular way her entire body would light up at the sight of him or their children.

It’s barely been that long but he’s terrified that he’ll forget the exact way she speaks, her soft rise and fall and the sound of the smile ever present on her lips.

It’s days like this that he regrets it all, that he wishes he could just screw the universe and return to their small cabin in the woods that he yearns for. He wishes this was a responsibility he could pass off to someone else and he could just go back to his life with his wife and his children.

He tries not to think about how big Mia must be now, how many of her milestones that he’s missed. Has she started to crawl, to speak, to walk even? He’s not keeping very good track of time, it’s hard when they’re darting about all over the place. The idea that his baby girl is anything other than the tiny baby in her adorable little bear onesie is baffling to him.

And then there’s William. His wonderful boy, his fifteenth birthday passed just before Oliver left and that is insane to the hero. Has he had his first date, his first kiss? Who does he talk to about that now that Oliver’s not there? Does he miss them? Has Felicity managed to get into contact with his grandparents?

Finally he lets his thoughts drift back to his wife. He hopes that she’s alright, that she’s drawing strength from their daughter in the same way he’s drawing strength from the memory of her. He remembers her smile, so bright, and her ability to lift the weight off his shoulders even when it felt like it would send him crashing to the ground. His Felicity, forever able to make things better with just a touch of the hand or a reassuring smile.

He’s learnt to draw strength from her in different ways now.

From her and their children and the thought that all this sacrifice is for them.

He’ll fight for them, to make the world a better place for William, and for Mia.

He prays that his children will grow to understand his sacrifice and that no matter what, he loves them with all of his heart.

And his wife… he hopes that she’s happy. That their daughter grows to emulate her beautiful features and kind spirit. He prays that she doesn’t miss him too awfully, despite the fact that he knows they carry a piece of each other’s hearts wherever it is that they go.

His final prayer is that he will one day get to see them again. To learn how deep William’s voice will be as an adult and whether that bright spirit has fostered into something as brilliant as Oliver knows he can be. He wants to see how tall Mia gets and whether she continues to be as sweet and fiery as she had begun to show signs of even in her infancy. He hopes he will see how age becomes his wife and how her strength has continued to inspire their children.

He prays he will get to wrap his arms around them all and feel the press of his wife’s lips against his own.

_I will find you again. _

She had told him that and he believes her.

There’s nothing that Felicity Smoak cannot do.

For now though, the time for reflection is over. He tucks the photo of his wife and daughter safe within the pocket of his suit and wipes the tear from his cheek, standing from the bed with a long sigh.

He will fight.

For them.

For his family.


End file.
